Balancing Family and Officiating

Games three days a week, association meeting once a week plus that every-other-week association board meeting. Sound familiar? Many officials have schedules that keep them hopping every week.

Keeping your officiating in perspective is one of the most important — yet often challenging — aspects of officiating. Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in our officiating we forget critically important things, like family.

An association can help its members by offering instruction not only in the nuances of officiating, but in the real world of balance as well. Here are some tips to make sure family life and officiating have a peaceful co-existence.

1. Don’t take the game home with you. Frustrations often mount in officiating. Think about the typical horrendous event. The coach was screaming at you. The fans were brutal. The game was a blowout. Your partner arrived late. The observer made you feel like you did nothing right. You drove home in terrible weather.

That is not the time to use your spouse by dumping all of your problems. Certainly, most spouses are supportive and want to know how things went. Tell your spouse, but be careful not to cross the line and heave mounds of emotion on your spouse. If you need your spouse to act as a sounding board or give you a pep talk every time you come home from a game, you’re probably not have much fun officiating. Certainly, your spouse isn’t having much fun with your officiating either.

2. Have the children plan a vacation. Officiating often means spending time away from your family. One way to make up for it is to spend your officiating money on a family vacation. Let the kids in on the planning. Adding that little twist makes it a true family effort.

3. Give your spouse a game check. Some officials might argue all the officiating money goes to the spouse already! Seriously, consider giving your spouse an officiating check when you come home from a game. Make it a surprise gift. Let the spouse spend it on … whatever. It’s a small token of your appreciation and acknowledges the spouse’s understanding and tolerance of your officiating.

4. Call home when away. When your officiating takes you on the road, call home when you get into town. Most spouses would probably tell you they worry most about the travel associated with officiated, whether it’s across town or across the country. If you’re spending time overnight, be sure to let your spouse know you arrived OK. If you’re gone for a few days, check in often. It eases your mind knowing everything is alright at home and it eases your spouse’s mind knowing you’re alright and you haven’t forgotten. Don’t forget to say “hi” to the kids.

5. Call if running late. Arguably, few things get officials in more trouble with spouses than getting home later than expected without calling home. If you were running really late on your way to a game, you’d probably frantically try to call your partner, your assigner, the school, etc. Why not have that same emphasis when you’re running late going home? There’s really no excuse.

That’s especially true if you “stop for a couple” with your officiating cronies. Stopping at the local watering hole to share war stories is a lot of fun and can be great therapy. Just let your spouse know you’re doing it. Play a little role reversal: How would you feel if your spouse was due home at a certain time and showed up four hours later without calling home? Your range of emotions would travel quickly between angry and worried. Don’t put your spouse through it.

6. Be careful when climbing. Most officials have desires to move up to another level or increase the number of games on the schedule. It’s our competitive nature. However, before accepting that promotion or working those extra couple of night per week, consider the ramifications on your family. Many officials who have climbed to high levels in officiating have sacrificed relationships with their spouse and children. At the very least, discuss the changes in your schedule and travel with your family before accepting the assignments. Consider this: There’s nothing wrong with working a local high school schedule a couple of nights a week and having a tremendous family life. There is something wrong with traveling all over the map for your new college schedule and destroying your family life. What are your priorities?